The dishwasher was empty, courtesy of my husband, the counters and table were clean, courtesy of me, the washer and dryer were running, courtesy of both of us, and the kids were asleep, courtesy of the sleep gods. It was 9:50PM, and we were just starting the work that accompanies our jobs that pay the bills after our supper/playtime/bath time/bedtime/clean-up/Mommy/Daddy jobs were done for the time being. My husband asked me my favorite question: What do you need? And tonight, I decided to be completely selfish and just go with the answers off the top of my head. Here they are…
I need a magic time wand. Not a regular magic wand. No, no. And not a time machine. Absolutely not. I’d get in too much trouble trying to live in the 60s. But a magic time wand. When the baby is having an especially adorably good day, I would freeze time with it. But, I’d pay it all back when he’s having a I’m-going-to-throw-myself-down-for-the-umpteenth-time-and-kick-and-scream-even-though-I-don’t-even-know-what-I-want day. Kind of like Give a Penny, Take a Penny.
I need blazing fast internet that isn’t acting up exactly when I have a deadline. And I need it to download when I think of something, not just when I finally find what I’m searching for. And I need it to remember every site I’ve ever been to because there aren’t enough bookmarks in the world for everything I have going on.
I need someone to figure out how I can walk on the treadmill without waking up the whole house AND be able to read all of the books I have stockpiled for “when I have time” while walking on said noisy treadmill. I don’t know if I’m not doing it correctly or what it is, but I might as well try to read while driving on the PA highways, bouncing all over all of the potholes. The result would be the same: I’d be sweating more than I should be and feeling frustrated, my liver would need a rest from bouncing off my ribcage, and I’d be looking for the nearest rest stop.
I need someone to potty train our younger son. I couldn’t do it the first time with the more patient, reasonable child. I don’t have a prayer with this one.
I need somebody to rub and massage my feet all day long. And my temples. That would be heaven. I could die a happy woman.
I need somebody to explain retirement and taxes to me in a way that I really understand. I’ve tried hard, really I have. I’ve done the research. I’ve talked to the right people. I don’t get it. I never will. It’s not the math. It’s all of the combinations and possibilities and words I don’t care to know.
I need somebody to show me how to keep our bathtubs clean. For more than two days. I hate cleaning them, and I’m too short for our extra-deep tubs and I never feel like they’re really clean, even though our five year old points out that they squeak, so they have to be clean.
I need to figure out how to get rid of the I’m-33-so-I-shouldn’t-be-dealing-with-this-acne-and-this-hair-where-I-don’t-want-it problem. I’m hoping that getting myself out of the high school environment will rid me of the high school hormone problems, too. This is a big dream, seeing as how my PCOS makes so many things about life as a woman unpleasant.
I need somebody to explain to me why we get the same bugs in the house at the same time each year, in the same places, and then tell me how to get rid of them. We keep everything clean… well, within reason. We have screens in the windows. We don’t let our doors hang wide open. Yet, there they are. I’m ready to wage war on them. I’d hate to firebomb this house, but some days that fantasy seems worthwhile.
I need somebody to drop off loads of money to our house once a month so I can pay off our school loans and this house. I’m not asking for a million dollars or even an astronomical lottery payday. Just enough to cover school loans and the mortgage. Then, I could put away what I promised myself I’d be putting away for our boys’ college educations.
I need to figure out a way to sleep comfortably. I don’t get many hours of sleep, and those that I do get are not the most restful of my life. Maybe that magic time wand could help a little.
So, What Do I Need? I guess all of the things that I just wrote about, because they flew onto the page so quickly. But now I’m feeling selfish and greedy for just allowing myself to be honest about what I need. What the Hell?
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